Dilemma

I beg, Stop Doubting me..

“When I don’t have any issues; my parents don’t have any issues then why is everyone else busy influencing my decisions?” came up a shrilled tone of her inner voice. She wanted to scream. She wanted to cry out loud. She wanted to tell the world to just stop interfering. She wanted to write in bold letters, “BE EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO BUT DON’T DARE BE JUDGEMENTAL WHEN IT COMES TO MY CAPABILITIES”. She was getting pissed off between many questions. She wanted an answer that why there is a need to prove herself every time and specially to people who have no other work apart from speaking demoralizing stuff and accusing for no reason. She was really irritated and her inner self was begging everyone to believe her. Why are relatives who are the limit of being orthodox so over-concerned about the kids who are actually confident being stuck to their decisions?

She agrees that she is answerable for her decisions but she also agrees that she is answerable only to her God, her parents and her own conscience. No one else. Simply no one. She cares not what people think until her conscience doesn’t give her a warning call. After all she believes she is in the world not just to impress people but to express her own self. Was she wrong? Was she being rude?  Well, I don’t think so. She wanted to study in a respectable college after her 10+2. That’s it and she was being supported by her parents at each and every step but the problem were only those relatives who had issues with her different choice of course. Why going out of the league is so unacceptable even today in this 21^st century? Is it really so important to do b.tech and become an engineer just because some relatives want this to happen and even at that stage when you have least interest in technical set ups. She wanted a simple life- a life without extra unwanted burdens.

She hated that straight forward judgment of her relatives about her to her parents.

“Don’t send her far because she is incapable.”

“She cannot manage on her own.”

“I know she is choosing different courses because she doesn’t want to study.”

“I am very much sure that she must be engaged… maybe with some guy.”

“I mean if she has to do a simple course then why to send her far away in some prestigious institute.”

“She is a girl. Don’t let her go anywhere. Keep her near to you.”

Her parents always defended her. They were her back up support but she couldn’t understand that why were there so many heads popping up when she was going to try something altogether new. Why were people speaking so much when they actually have no idea about her future plans and above all why was it necessary to provide an explanation to everybody. Why some souls cannot be ignored? She knew what she has to do in life and she was also aware about the way of execution then why the hell was there so much chaos and confusion? Why can’t it be something like, “I am confident. Full stop.” There were many questions hovering her mind as in was it really necessary to follow the same rat race? Why following her own dreams was not an easy choice? Yes, there were difficulties but one thing she was sure of and that was the fact that she has to be the best; no matter what. A better human being; a high rank officer and most importantly the daughter who deserves to be the pride of her parents.

No doubt, its difficult to trust somebody again. Its hard to give someone a chance but isn’t it not worth giving even a try. Yes she broke the trust some time ago but she is now trying really hard to build it up again. Can’t that be a compensation? Being helplessly helpless is one thing which takes time to overcome. She is trying her best and leaving the rest to ALMIGHTY.

A scientist/technologist has a greater contribution to society than teachers/professors.

The Best.. Always..!!

Whether we like it or not, no matter what facts and figures we may quote but the truth remains the same that a teacher/professor has made a greater contribution to the society than a scientist/technologist. So I am strictly against the motion.

Now, to prove my point, I would first like to talk about the basic level. When a child gets admitted in a school he is sent there not with the aim of him becoming a scientist or a doctor but with a hope that he will become a good human being or perhaps a ‘man of virtues’--- someone with ethics and moral values and I guess I am not wrong if I say that these moral values and ethics are inculcated in a child by a teacher itself. In fact the most important point is that “Scientists don’t make teachers but teachers do make scientists.”

Well moving on let me mention an instance of REEL life first. I guess you all must have probably seen the movie ‘Taare Zameen Par’. A film which beautifully portrayed a ‘student-teacher relationship’. It is worth mentioning that in the movie the important part was not that the child excelled in his field but that the child excelled because  his teacher saw in him that talent, that ability. That teacher was the one who found out what actually the child wanted to do. In fact I would like to ask you teachers a question that  don’t you feel like you make a really good nation as you are dealing with  the future of the nation, the building blocks of the society, the ‘YOUTH’.

In our REAL life also, India has had educationists like ‘Swami Vivekananda, C. Rajagopalachari, Dr. Sarvapalli Radhakrishnan’ who influenced the whole society by simply teaching the masses. They were the ones who always remembered the famous saying, “To reject didactic teaching is to reject teaching itself.” Now if I talk about society, I would like to mention a famous quote, “If a free society can’t help the many who are poor, it can never help the few who are rich.” My friends, ‘TEACHERS’ are the ones who reduce this difference of rich and poor. They are the ones who in every possible way teach that morality has its own way and of course they teach it better than any scientist. My worthy opponents, I won’t forget to mention about that highly dreadful disease ‘AIDS’. Your scientists have still not found a permanent solution for this big problem but our teachers; they are busy educating the masses about the ‘preventive measures’ of this disease.

At the end, I would like to wrap up my words by again emphasizing on the fact that “What a teacher does with his book is far better than what a scientist does with his tools.” It is something no one can ever compare.

Adversity causes some people to break; and others to break records.

Adversity is just a test..!!

Adversity according to oxford dictionary is a difficult or an unpleasant situation and as the title suggests it breaks down some people entirely while for some others, it sets new standards of success. APJ Abdul Kalam stands as its best example. Since childhood, he was always surrounded with adversity of different kinds; whether it be lack of  financial  resources or the mental support, he always fought his way and broke records by being an excellent scientist, a prolific writer, an eminent philosopher and definitely the ‘First man of the nation’.

Rudyard Kipling in his poem ‘If’ states,

“If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same

--- you’ll be a man, my son!”

M.K.Gandhi, Pt.Jawahar Lal Nehru, Dr. Rajendra Prasad are those names who abided by the above lines. They were not the ones who wasted their time lamenting over their failures nor did they get too enthusiased on their success. They were the jewels who remained the same throughout. Adversity spares no body and it may sound weird but it is so true, that it is very important to have adverse conditions in life, else one could never understand the true worth of happiness. Adversity teaches us how to fight the hard times with a smile and shine like a star-- like a real hero.

There was a story about two brothers born in the same situation but with an entirely different outlook towards life. Let me start by introducing their drunkard father who used to spend all his income on vices like drinks, drugs etc. Not to forget, he used to beat his innocent wife for literally ‘no reason at all’. Moreover, his attitude towards his children was horrifying: -- something which sent a shiver down the spine. His two sons suffered a lot in that adversity in the same manner but their attitude towards the adverse conditions made a big difference. The elder son chose to be an officer of high rank by educating himself properly and trying his best not to be like his father because he was well aware what actually “being like his father” meant to his family. He had the concept that those adverse conditions had taught him never to do things his father was habituated to while the younger one became a spoilt brat with the concept that his childhood upbringing was to blame. He learnt all this from his own father, from those adverse conditions. Such was the difference between the two souls sharing common fathers and definitely common adversities. The same situation molded the two children in two completely different ways.

Emphasizing on the real life now, I would like to share an experience which provoked me to write the article on a subject like ‘Adversity’. I got to know about one of my seniors who faced an immense adverse condition but conquered it with surprisingly great results. Just a day before his ISC Board Mathematics Examination, he lost his mother and was disturbed to the brim. Still he appeared in the examination and not only did he get 100/100 in mathematics but also topped the institution and made his mother feel proud spiritually. The irreplaceable loss filled in him that will power which his mother always longed for him. This extremely inspiring incident of my life reminds me about the famous quote by Shakespeare,

“Sweet are the uses of adversity; 

which like a toad, ugly and venomous

wears yet a precious jewel on his head.”

used effectively in his play ‘As You like It’. The quote holds true in real sense.

An Unnamed Relationship (Part-VIII)

A final *GOODBYE*..!!

The end. Yes, this part represents the end of the series “An Unnamed Relationship”. Sahil and Tanya became an integral part of my life too. They were not mere characters but two souls who could never be together in spite of that unnamed relationship which dwelled between the two hearts. Sahil proposed Tanya... She said yes... Tanya proposed Sahil... He said no... Then again Sahil proposed Tanya... and this time she said no... What the hell was happening in their life..?? No one knew; not even them.

It was like those feelings when you want a relationship… but you don’t… but you do… but you don’t… **confusion**... For her, trusting someone was impossible and for him a second chance was all that mattered the most. Things could have simplified but don’t know why they got even more complicated. They were trying for sure but were there personal issues letting them be together..? His ego and her trust issues were overpowering the love which wanted to blossom between the two. According to Tanya she had had enough and no more energy was left in her to get shattered again. She wanted a guarantee but relationships never work on conditions. There are no manufacturing and expiry dates.

Actually the problem with guys is that they say they love you when they don’t and the problem with girls is that they say they don’t love you when they actually do. Their priorities were never clear. They never understood what was more important for them. It’s as simple as that, if a person truly loves another, they make them the first priority in their lives but here it was all very different. Tanya wanted to scream, “Help me forget that eternal kiss, please.” Memories, they kill you from inside. Sahil and Tanya were not meant to be together. Maybe it is not the happy ending but this is the accurate ending for the two people who were only carrying a burden. When personal issues hover over love, love dies an unnatural death. They decided to just let go… it was an unnamed relationship and will always remain the same. I am sure that their place in each other’s heart can never be substituted by anyone. If they don’t say it doesn't mean they don’t feel. Being apart was not wanted by them but it was definitely needed.

* It’s sad when the person who gave you the best memories; ends up as a memory.*

An Unnamed Relationship (Part-VII)

Together..!! Still apart...!!

Soon came Tanya’s birthday. Sahil drove several kilometers to surprise her. Their meeting was definitely not like the usual ones but an entirely different experience and precisely for Tanya it was like a ‘dream-come-true’. That day while they were sitting and discussing some ‘not-so-important’ topic, Sahil suddenly insisted to hold Tanya’s hand. 

“Can I?” asked Sahil placing his hand in front of Tanya indicating her to give him her hand so that he can hold it.

“No, you’ll leave it soon”, replied Tanya implying the hidden meaning.

“Do you trust me, Tanya?” asked he knowing the answer quite well. 

“Yes, I do”, replied she taking a pause of 10 seconds. Sahil looked straight into her eyes and without even a blink said, “I promise to hold your hand forever”.

Without any second thoughts she placed her hand on his wishing never to be apart. She wanted to freeze the moment right there. Their fingers clutched each other tightly. Tanya like always started blushing and her hair strands split over her face. Sahil collected the hair strands and gently feeling Tanya’s face with his fingers placed them behind her ears after a lot of effort. Actually flicks sometimes dance on their own accord and become really stubborn. Once those flicks covered Tanya’s eyes blocking Sahil’s view. Then Sahil commented, “One is not able to simply look at a person even if he wishes to. Hard luck!” The chirpy bird became speechless. She didn’t know how to react but there was still much more left for her to remember throughout her life.

They stood up; started walking and again started talking on some not-so-important topic. This time they stood quite close to each other. Yes, this was also a kissable moment. Just before anything would happen, Tanya turned her face opposite to that of Sahil and moved away. Like every typical bollywood movie where the heroine decides to walk away and the hero holds her hand from the back; pulls her towards himself and hugs her tightly; the same happened here also. Sahil gave her a tight hug; put his one hand on her head and said, “Happy Birthday, Tanya”. Don’t know what was stopping Tanya because she could neither pay a ‘Thank-you’ nor could she hug him back. He even complained but to no avail. When Sahil planned to leave that day, Tanya bade her good-bye.

Tanya all of a sudden said, “Sahil” demanding him to stop.

He stopped, turned around and replied, “Yes” not knowing what Tanya wanted to say.

“Ummm… Take care. Happy journey and drive safe”, stammered Tanya maybe because she wanted to say something else.

Sahil again headed towards the door. Once again Tanya pronounced his name from behind but this time she caught hold of his hand. Nobody said a word because now the eyes were talking. Both of them understood that they needed a kiss to end this meeting. Sahil bent forward at a certain angle maintaining the eye contact and holding Tanya’s hand. While Tanya simply could not resist closing her eyes when Sahil came a bit close to her. Tanya was standing straight and still; allowing Sahil to do whatever he wants. Sahil planted a soft kiss on Tanya’s upper lip giving her the most memorable moment of her life; after all it was her first kiss. (I find your lips so kissable…And your kiss unmissible…Your finger tips so touchable…And your eyes IRRESISTIBLE). Sahil and Tanya were now living an unnamed relationship. They care for each other but how can ego ever overpower love? Sahil has shared his deepest secrets with Tanya and Tanya keeps falling in love everyday with his simple yet meaningful sentences. He once said, “See, even the first letters of our name are not apart. This proves that we’ll be together.” Tanya till today regards it as the best sentence spoken by him. She had given him the right to break her heart again but before it he promised her to emerge out as a better human being one day. They still fight claiming that the other person proposed first. They are opposites but still tied together with some knot of expectations.

“What relationship do we hold?” asked Tanya randomly one day.

“Whatever you want it to be”, came up a casual reply. Tanya knew that it can never be the way she wants it to be. They were still not each other’s after coming this close but undoubtedly they wanted this strange relationship to remain unnamed and continue but not unwanted at any cost.

*Nothing’s gonna change my love for you;

You ought to know by now how much I love you…. 

One thing you can be sure of; 

 I’ll never ask for more than your love….*

An Unnamed Relationship (Part-VI)

One shot... That was it...!!

They were missing each other. Maybe being distant was important for them to be close again. The phone-calls which earlier extended to two hours each day were now reduced to 2 minutes and that too after a gap of 15 days. They became very formal for the next five months and then came the ‘school farewell’. Sahil was not willing to attend it; the reason being the ‘pre-planned thoughts of farewell with his ex’. Memories were hovering his mind and he got really uneasy while Tanya was super-excited about this farewell stuff. Girls are generally like this. Ask them to get ready for a get-together and it just sets everything perfect. Tanya also wanted to look perfect in the sari (yes, sari was the dress code for girls) but above all she wanted to dress up ‘for’ Sahil. She wanted him to notice her and compliment her. In fact she was coming to the farewell because of him. Tanya wanted to spend her last official day in Sahil’s company but Sahil wasn’t ready for it. He always used to say that there was nothing left between him and his ex but Tanya never understood that why his ex was still making some difference to him. After a lot of persuasion and with the help of a common friend, Sahil agreed to attend the grand farewell and this made Tanya more than happy.

Sahil and Tanya reached the venue at approximately same time and Sahil even clicked Tanya’s picture with his brand new camera without her noticing it. Oh! He is an awesome photographer. Anybody can fall in love with his clicks. The farewell turned out not exactly what Tanya wanted it to be. They didn’t converse. Sahil was busy with his ex-girlfriend because he made some promises to her but what about Tanya…? How intolerable was it for her to see the love of her life with someone else on such a beautiful day? She sometimes wanted to go up to Sahil and say, “I need you right now” but never said so because to her it appeared as if she was interfering between two souls who were very close to each other some time ago. When it became almost impossible for her to resist him she went up to him and said, “Sahil, let’s have a photo session.” “Yeah, sure”, replied he. Sahil came close to her; in fact ‘very close’. He bent a little towards Tanya; put his hand on her lower back; held her by the waist and pulled her towards himself. Yes, they were inches apart. That moment demanded a kiss. Tanya was in utter surprise. Sahil’s sudden behavior gave her goose-bumps as well as it made her blush. She had never been so close to anybody. She could feel him and then a perfect picture was clicked making it the ‘best’ among the ‘rest’. Even today they both relish that photo-session and Sahil keeps complementing Tanya for her elegant wear. Tanya in her loneliness often asks herself, “Why that picture is so important to Sahil that even after five months he has made it his Facebook and WhatsApp profile picture?” “Do I mean something to him?” Well! Their days and nights passed observing each other in that epic click. The intensity and the closeness were visible and the features were zoomed again and again for a better view. It was flawless.


To Be Continued...

An Unnamed Relationship (Part-V)

Another Chance, please..???

What annoyed Tanya the most was the fact that Sahil was deceiving even himself. He was betraying his own soul. She could not find what her fault was. Why was she being punished for loving and trusting someone? That was the very first moment when Tanya thought that she was in love with the ‘wrong guy’. Maybe he had his own reasons for doing any such thing but this logic never satisfied Tanya. Soon, when they had a phone-call Tanya got to know about Sahil’s road accident when he was going home after that rude ‘no-you’re-my-nothing’ conversation with her. This filled her heart with guilt and she blamed herself for Sahil’s mental distraction. Tanya kept saying sorry but Sahil was now being sarcastic. He commented that she should not show concern as ‘he was her nothing’. Tanya felt that everything happened because of her but then she cross-questioned herself, “Why should I be sorry to an untrustworthy soul?”

Soon things settled and it was exactly 13 days after the incident when Sahil called Tanya and said, “I’ve to make a confession.”

“Go ahead”, replied Tanya knowing well where this was heading to.

“I was double-dating.”

"I know."

“I am sorry Tanya”, said Sahil with a guilty voice.

“I don’t need your sorry. I knew all this before you told me.” 

“As you wish but it’s just an advice Tanya that don’t ever treat a person like this when he confesses because it takes courage to speak the truth.” 

“This is not a confession Sahil. I’m getting to know things about you from other people which you were supposed to tell me earlier. I was only waiting to see how much time will you take to accept the reality and yes, why are you confessing this to me?”

“Because, I strongly feel that I was doing wrong to you. I was making you suffer because of me.” A single sentence and Tanya was speechless. She could understand that Sahil realized his mistake and this was what the most important part. She felt relaxed.

Emotions were taking a complete U-turn. It started with “I love you’s”; headed towards “No, I don’t love you” and then the final “You are my nothing” but was it really supposed to be like this? Earlier what appeared beautiful was now a burden which both of them were carrying. Tanya wanted to ask, “Can we start it all over again?” but she couldn’t muster up enough courage since a common friend made her realize that Sahil was losing his confidence because of her. Tanya kept on blaming herself for Sahil’s low self-esteem. She decided to just stay away….


To Be Continued...

An Unnamed Relationship (Part-IV)

Are you really my nothing?

She was broken, shattered, completely lost in a world where she only had tears and memories to accompany her. Sahil even tried to give some explanations but she never wanted any because that proposal for her was a ‘be-all or an end-all’ and for the very first time she was on the rejection side. She never had imagined that hearing a ‘NO’ could be this difficult. She had lost someone who was not even hers. She kept on weeping and lamenting; heard the typical sad songs 30-30 times in a single day noticing the meaningful lyrics. Then, she decided to take a very practical approach towards it. She came to a realization that it is not important that the person you are in love with should love you back. Love is not a ‘give-and-take’ relationship. It is only ‘selfless-devotion’ where the main motto is that your love should be happy wherever and with whomsoever he/she is. There shouldn’t be any compulsion. It’s all about the happiness you see in your partner’s eyes. Tanya thought that if Sahil was happy with this decision then there is no point being sad.

But how was she going to forget him? To get through this problem she started avoiding him. She was unwilling even to look into his eyes because she knew that his eyes could easily cast a spell on her and she would fall in love with him over and over again. She tried to maintain a distance. The phone calls and text messages automatically got reduced and Tanya took a vow never to interfere in his personal life again since officially she was his no one. No matter how much she tried but she couldn’t eradicate the lovely memories. If Tanya was sad for whatever happened, Sahil was also not happy. It was getting difficult for him to bear the burden of hurting a girl who according to him was very pure. How would he fill the void? Were they moving on? Was it all over? These questions haunted both of them. Even today Sahil agrees that Tanya is the girl he has hurt the most. Tanya pasted a fake smile on her face to normalize things. Tanya’s love was always true and she had accepted that it was only a one-sided affair. But this four-letter word ‘LOVE’ carries an affection which does not depend on the quantity received. In true love it really doesn’t matter that your share of love will be returned or not.

Tanya just couldn’t stop loving him. It was silent but true. One day Tanya got to know from one of her friends that Sahil was guy famous for double dating. That particular friend mentioned two-three names with whom Sahil was ‘in a relationship’ at the same time about 2-3 months ago. This immediately struck Tanya’s mind that it was the same time when Sahil came close to her as well. She became dejected; feeling as if a guy came to her life; used her and left. Sahil had earlier mentioned that he was friends with those 2-3 chicks but he never told that he was committed and if he was he should not have said those romantic lines to Tanya. Tanya then decided to wait till Sahil himself comes up and confronts.

That very day when she was leaving the school campus Sahil came and said, "Hi!!"

“Hey” replied Tanya with a straight expressionless face. She continued  looking here and there, in order to avoid the conversation and said, “Well! I’m leaving to search my best friend Ahaana.”

“You’ve other good friends too, to spend your time with”, replied Sahil indicating himself.

“I only have Ahaana, Rahul and Sanchit as my good friends; NO ONE ELSE”, said Tanya exposing a pissed off face.

“Haww… Am I not your good friend?” asked Sahil expecting her to reply that he was the best buddy anyone could ever have.

“NO, YOU’RE MY NOTHING!” replied Tanya breaking the hope in a very straightforward tone. That was it. They didn’t exchange words and went away to their own respective places; one being angry and the other hurt.


To Be Continued...

An Unnamed Relationship (Part-III)

Why loving you seems like a sin?

He was hers but was he only hers? This had always been an unanswered question. She never wanted to share him with anybody. Those short meetings in the computer lab were more than anything Tanya would ever want. Those eye-contacts and unintentional touching of hands are still alive in her memories. They used to look at each other intently and like always Sahil used to take one step closer to her and that was it; she used to break the eye-contact immediately; blushing like never before; started seeing elsewhere and fumbling in almost every word she used to say to change the topic. Sahil used to say, “I love to do this and with you it doesn’t take much time even.” Tanya was too good when it came to blushing and she did it often spreading along her face a ‘longitudinal wave’. Yes, this was the name given by Sahil to the ripples formed on Tanya’s chubby cheeks. He simply loved it.

Tanya still remembers the day when both of them accompanied by some common friends were busy operating a single computer. Everybody was busy doing some fun when suddenly Sahil rested his chin on Tanya’s shoulder. She could feel him closer to her. She wanted Sahil never to lift his chin up and rest in the same position always. This incident made her feel that he was all hers but Sahil always said that they were heading towards a wrong path. He tried many ways to stay away from Tanya so he started with the basics. ‘A close friendship’ with one of her classmate. Like any other typical girl Tanya was also jealous but she knew that Sahil considered him only a friend so she found it better to just ignore (Trust me, it was so damn hard!).

One day Sahil came apologizing, “I’m sorry for choosing her over you."

“That’s okay, because I’m not an option”, said Tanya. 

“You cannot tolerate me. Me and my mood swings-you’ll suffer. So please, stay away because I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“I am in love with you Sahil and now this is only what I know.”

He always wanted to leave because he was afraid that if he comes close to Tanya, he would lose her as well and this was something he never wanted to do. Nobody knows that it was love or not but yes, it was beautiful. He wanted to leave for Tanya’s good and that’s what made her love him more. Tanya always wanted to explain him that if the road ahead was not that easy, their love would lead the way for them. Agitated with such an unnamed relationship one day she decide to ask him out. A clear cut ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. She wanted a ‘yes’ but somewhere deep down her heart she thought, “What if he says ‘no’?”

She called him up and very bluntly blurted, “Do you love me,Sahil?"

“See, Tanya…” replied Sahil getting interrupted in between.

“I asked, do you love me or not?” This time she was harsh.

“Let me please explain Tanya”, pleaded he.

“Why not make it simple? Just one word-A ‘yes’ or a ‘no’?” asked Tanya stressing on both ‘yes’ and ‘no’. He kept quiet. There was utter silence on the phone. It was difficult for both. If hearing a word can tear someone apart then speaking it is also very painful.

“Do you love me?” asked Tanya again literally begging for an answer. 

“No, I don’t” came the reply.


To Be Continued...

An Unnamed Relationship (Part-II)

Oh my God…!! She confessed. Yes, she did confess her love and was happy because he liked her too or rather loved her too. She hung up the call and was now dancing, singing, admiring herself in the mirror like any other typical girl but one question crossed her mind that why he was sorry. “How can anyone be sorry for loving someone?” she said to herself. It is LOVE not a MISTAKE. She couldn’t answer her own questions so she left them in the back of her mind concentrating only on the beautiful incident which took place that day. The very next day they met and had a brief conversation.

“So, kaise ho?” she asked.

“Zinda hoon”, he replied in his trademark monotonous tone.

“So, ummm… Whatever happened yesterday..." 

“Actually it appeared to me that you wanted to hear it, so according to the situation I said such things”, interrupted Sahil. She was stunned and said to herself, “He said he loves me just to know whether I love him or not and not because he actually loves me.”  

Coming back to her senses, she asked, “So, that means it was not love. You react what situation demands.”

“Don’t be so serious. I was just playing.” 

“Playing? What?” she almost had tears in her eyes. 

“Don’t ever play with me Sahil” continued Tanya. 

Now Sahil realized what he said unknowingly had hurt Tanya. He was sorry for his behavior and she also soon forgot their first accidental fight.

Phone calls and text messages increased. No idea about Sahil but yes, Tanya got addicted to him (Baby, I’m addicted. I’m out of control and you are the drug that keeps me from dying.). For her, everything now revolved around him. She enjoyed it when her friends teased her with his name. She went to college only to catch his glimpse. The way they shared the tiffins was enough to complete her day. A smile on his face acted like her stress-buster. She believed that she was blessed to have such a fabulous person in her life and felt complete right on him but there was something else in store for her. Actually, Sahil had witnessed a messed up past where people whom he loved the most left him when he needed them. He had seen ups and downs of life at such a tender age that he was broken from inside. He was all shattered and had lost every single bit of self-esteem he earlier possessed. He was now aimless and directionless. All he wanted was a little hope and few words which could bring back his lost interest in life. He wanted someone who could hold his hand and say confidently looking into his eyes, “I know you can set things right. Just keep trying.” He wanted someone to fall back on when he lost his last ray of hope; someone he was answerable to; someone who could simply come up with a smile asking about how hectic his day was.” He could not see that potential in him. Sahil needed a guiding light that could help him develop faith in himself.

In between all this, Sahil took great care of Tanya. Maybe this was his caring nature or maybe there was some kind of spark between them. Still, Tanya was unsure. She kept questioning him, “Are we friends or are we more?” because for her ‘I love you’ meant a life time commitment. These words were eternal and she really meant it when she said it but was it the same with Sahil. Tanya knew that Sahil wanted to be happy but since he had not experienced success for long so he was pretending to be contented and cool with the bitter sadness. Sahil had many friends (girls particularly, some under the tag of ‘ex’ while some as ‘we are just friends’) and Tanya literally hated it when she often found his phone busy at 2:00 a.m. She never liked it when Sahil didn’t even bother to reply that he was busy and would talk later. She never wanted to hear Sahil’s story of ‘which-girl-said-what’ but how could she protest. After all, according to him she was just a friend and being only a friend gives a person no right to be this possessive.

To be continued.....

An Unnamed Relationship (Part-I)

Yes, it all started with a ‘smile’ in the computer lab and then got promoted to the chemistry notes. Trust me, chemistry was least important for Tanya until she called Sahil to ask for the important keywords which were marked only in his book. The first phone call by any sober girl to a cute, good-looking and extremely irresistible guy is always a big topic to discuss. Tanya was utterly confused unable to decide whether she should call him or not.

“It’s just a matter of keywords”, she said to herself.                                                                “But what will he think about me?” she cross questioned herself.                                  “Exams are near, why to take a chance this time."                                                    “No, no… I’ll find some other way out else he’ll feel I’m a despo.”                            “Let him think what he wants. I’m going to call him up.”                      

Finally fighting with her own conscience she dialed Sahil’s number, for the very first time in life pre-planning the conversation. 

“Hello!” he said.   She was blank and the reason is yet unknown. Regaining her consciousness she said, “Hey, this is Tanya.” Tanya gave her brief intro reminding him of who she was. He recognized her and replied positively.                                                                                                                       

“Well, I wanted to know about those chemistry keywords” she continued.

Like a good boy Sahil made her mark half of the keywords. They were running short of time, so they hung up the call. The very next day, at the same time, it became almost impossible for Tanya to resist herself from calling that cute and handsome guy. Yes, he was freaking cute!! It was not that the keywords were so important. Tanya only wanted to hear him say hello. She only wanted to witness his mesmerizing voice. On that Day 2 they had a talk, a long one and Tanya still remembers clearly that it was the day when she started respecting him for what he was. Sahil introduced Tanya to the most beautiful lady of his life-his mother. She was almost into tears when she heard his surviving story. All the keywords were still not with her but now she was least bothered about it. She was lost in some other word. Listening about the three guilts of his life, Tanya started admiring him even more. She kept on thinking that it was just two days and how he can as a person open up so much in such a short span of time. They hung up the call definitely leaving Tanya in an ocean of ‘smile’. Oh…!! That ‘smile-for-no-reason’ is the most genuine for sure.

Day 3

At approximately the same time in the evening she called him up again and their conversation varied from ‘astrology’ (Yeah, he believes in astrology and stuff) to family issues to likes and dislikes of each other. Sahil was a very mature guy knowing more than his age while Tanya was innocent more than she should be. Yes, they were opposites in most of the aspects I guess but they say ‘opposites do attract’. Each time Tanya had a talk with Sahil, she came up with an entirely different Sahil. Tanya considered Sahil as a very stable person who was intensely grounding and lived in a world of his own.  He was deep and grave and the most important part was that he understood Tanya really well. In a way no one could ever. Maybe that was the electric connection between them which was pushing her towards him. Maybe her definition of a perfect match was proving true. Well! Now it was more than one hour thirty minutes talking on the phone.

                                                                                           

“I got to go” said Tanya knowing well that she doesn’t want to.

“Okay, Bye!” said Sahil.  

“Bye” she responded and was just going to hang up the call.

“Tanya” he said in a tone which demanded her to stop.  

“Yes” she replied elongating the word.

“I love you” said he making her nothing but stunned. It happens, this sentence for sure takes every girl by surprise. She could not believe that her crush had actually said those three magical words. Tanya was smiling from ear to ear; completely blank not knowing what to say and how to say. While she was still trying to believe the words she heard, Sahil observed the silence and felt that Tanya didn’t like what he said. He thought that Tanya didn’t appreciate his effort. So, he immediately said, “I am sorry” to which Tanya replied, “Don’t be, because I love you too.”

To be continued...

She uttered, “Why do people have to die?” (Part-II)

She was also feeling guilty. The guilt that there were many times she should have bowed down before her and said ‘sorry’ for the blunders she had committed but could not do so. She even wanted to thank her grandmother for all those times when the super granny saved her from getting scolded severely by her mom and dad. Her granny was truly her savior. In other words, the little chirpy bird was helplessly helpless. She was missing that warmth and comfort which she used to experience earlier. Her grandmother’s enigmatic presence was enough to set things right for her. She could feel her grandmother saying that ‘to regret is the worst feeling ever’. Her grandmother’s words echoed in her ears that sorry and thank-you are not mere words but small tokens which should be used often as they help us to live a ‘regret-free’ life.

She knew that she wasn't going to get the perfect lady back but she never wanted to believe this. She could not understand the indifferent attitude of the relatives when they addressed the lady lying on the floor as ‘body’. She felt as if somebody was attacking her self-respect by insulting her grandmother with the usage of the term ‘body’ for her. She wanted to revolt. She wanted to fight back and tell the world that her grandmother was not just a ‘body’ but someone’s best buddy. Amidst all this chaos there was just one thing which brought smile on the face of granny’s little girl and that was the fact that she could observe the peacefulness which spread on her grandmother’s face. It seemed to her as if the sea is quiet again after a massive cyclone. She realized that it was the eternal peace that her grandmother wanted the most. She wanted an answer to many questions as in, “Is my grandmother happy after leaving me?” or “Is she out there in some other world which is better than this selfish world?”

No matter how much tried to figure out the answers, she was always left unconvinced. Each time she tried to defend her own reasoning but to no avail. She could just reach to a conclusion that her grandmother was going to be only in her memories ever after. She was sure that she was going to miss that short, bent and a little plump lady always and no one can ever take her place, no one can ever fill that cavity, that void. She smiled and cried, “Dadi, I love you and will keep doing so.”  Those tear drops soon dried and she herself did not know at what time she slept but yes now it is dawn….

She uttered, “Why do people have to die?” (Part-I)

Dusk had fallen in and she was standing there all alone beside a dimly lit flickering candle watching her own shadow…hearing her own silence… A silence which was actually a storm of emotions in the inner self or rather a strong gush of wind which was destroying every single bit of peace left in her and she stood there motionless… Millions of questions were running in her mind but she could find answers for none. She could not understand what was troubling her. There was dilemma in understanding the way things were taking place. Suddenly a drop left her eye, rolled down her left cheek and reached her lips and in complete uneasiness she uttered, “Why do people have to die?”

It was for the very first time for that little 13 year old girl to come across such a grave and heavy question. A question which demanded an immediate answer to satisfy her wandering thoughts and bring her back to the mortal world but at that instant she had literally no one to be her guiding light. There was no ‘someone’ who could tell her that law of nature cannot be altered and we humans have to abide by the harsh reality of death. No one was there to instill in her the truth that “For what is born, death is certain and for what is dead, birth is certain, therefore we should not grieve over that which is unavoidable.”

Well, originally she was a happy-go-lucky kind of a girl, an all-time-favorite among her family, peers, teachers and all others who knew her but what gave a halt to this jolly teenager was the death of her grandmother. She was taken aback, shocked and shattered both at the same time because she could feel that emptiness. She felt as if now there will be no one whom she could fall back on. When she came back from school and found her grandmother lying on the floor of the central hall covered from head to toe with a red shroud amidst all the relatives who were mourning for the big loss, she didn’t take even a second to realize that she wasn’t going to get her grandmother back and it was the last time that she was observing the peaceful pallor which spread on her face like never before. She knew that she was not going to get that love back and what haunted her the most was the fact that she couldn’t properly even bid ‘goodbye’ to the soul whom she considered the ‘dearest’ on planet ‘Earth’. She always had the conception that people go to the hospital for treatment and come back home completely healthy but this was something entirely different as for the first time she realized that people go and never return. They just go forever without giving any notice, without bidding any goodbyes… they simply leave placing others in a state of guilt and remorse. Guilt one could never get rid of and had to bear the whole life.

To Be Continued....