WAKE UP! IT'S NIGHT...

What was about that night?

There’s a thing about starry skies and thoughtful nights. There are certain nights that demand your complete attention; that demand the time you need to spend with yourself. With an existence of twenty years till now, she encountered many different nights; some were beautiful because they held the happy moments she had spent; few were dreadful nights because they gave her the flashback of the things that turned out in the way they were never supposed to be.

What about those nights which were filled with guilt whether the ‘yes’ or ‘no’ made sense?

What about those nights which were full of anxiety because that twenty year old girl didn’t know what to do next in life?

What about those nights when she met herself?

What about those nights when she thought that no matter how much she may flaunt during the day about how she loves her flaws and imperfections but actually those nights made her insecure at times?

What about those nights when there was a sudden death of smile and all she wanted to do was cry out loud but that feeling lacked tears?

What about those nights when her tears touched the cotton fabric of the pillow cover for no reason?

What about those nights when she was sleepless, thoughtless and into nothingness?

What about those nights when she couldn’t sleep of excitement because it was going to be a big day tomorrow?

What about those nights when she was worried about all the possible ‘what-ifs’?

What about those nights when she tried to deviate her thoughts by watching Netflix and eating chocolates?

What about those nights when she talked the whole night about life at stretch with her friends?

What about those nights when she felt helpless and calling a friend also didn’t help because she couldn’t explain what was wrong?

What about those nights when she doesn’t want to speak but listen?

What about those nights when she doesn’t want to listen but speak?

What about those nights when she found comfort only in her own company and her playlist on repeat?

What about those nights when she longed for some companionship?

What about those nights when it was too scary to step out of the bed to switch off the fan?

What about those nights when she was sitting motionless in a chair on the terrace looking at the stars?

What about those nights when she completed a whole season of a particular TV series in a go?

After all there’s a thing about starry skies and thoughtful nights. These nights may bring out the sadness in you but they compel you to introspect and that’s what makes it beautiful. The over thinking you do on sleepless nights which you usually consider wrong in the long run is just making you come close to yourself. These nights are that time of the twenty-four hours when you wake up your demons to finally calm them down.

WHAT ACTUALLY WAS ABOUT THOSE NIGHTS THAT SHE USED TO WAKE UP JUST BECAUSE IT WAS NIGHT?

“INSIDE YOU”

She looked at him intently all the while when he was sharing his deepest insecurities with her. He went on and on about how much he wanted to be all by himself without any baggage of expectations on his head. He was tired; tired of knowing everything but not knowing himself. He was done with taking those calculated moves at every stage of his life. I guess he wanted to be carefree this time but he was too careful to be careless. He was scared to lose and so scared to even try to keep what is his. He wanted to break free a little just like the old times but he just couldn’t. He was chained; chained with people, their thoughts, their ideologies, their expectations, their hope. The man who loved freedom was so bounded that all the ideas in his mind to live life in his way automatically chalked themselves out. He didn’t want anyone and anything but himself.

His powerful exterior was feeling vulnerable and his soul seemed to be naked in front of her. Things got that bad that it wasn’t even easy to fake it this time. After all, one of the most ambitious men of her life was suddenly aimless, under confident and lost somewhere in his own world where every now and then he gets a reality check. Maybe that’s why he was fond of ‘escapism’. His hobbies included escaping to a dream world where he is the superhero setting things right for everyone. Well, who would ever want to come out from that dream and be realistic?

She never really understood him. Since, the day she met him, she is unfolding a new person every day. She doesn’t really know white charmed him more or black because BOOM! He always had a thing for grey. He was unexpected; a big time mystery. That mystery which she tries to solve but fails miserably every time. She tries new methods but every single time; she finds herself with some new person. Learning from his always accurate kind of deductions, she also deduced one thing and it’s for sure that his knight in shining armor likes to keep his mask on even to his closed ones because he is afraid to open up. He is scared of sharing emotions; dwelling deep because he thinks that it gives other person the power to see through him when he is unguarded and this can reveal his strengths and weaknesses.

When did he become like this? He admits that he was not the same person earlier. The circumstances have changed him drastically. Sitting there and looking at him intently only made her want to bring back the old free version of his new chained man. She desperately wanted him to relive the beauty of his past. She wanted to bring back those who left him because only with them he was the happiest. She knows that he will always counter that his present is better than any phase of his past but his eyes always scream that a part of him is left back there. His smile and blush shout that he wants to stay there fixing everything he did wrong. What made her happy was the fact that if he couldn’t go back; he had included that beautiful portion of his past in his present life. That’s alive. That’s what completes him. Sitting there and looking at him intently, she whispered, “It’s INSIDE YOU”.

SATURATION POINT

He said, “There are moments in all of our lives when we are compelled to ask ourselves, how far are we willing to go for what we want? How far are we willing to risk, to sacrifice, to endure because it’s one thing to yearn for something and quite another to find the strength to achieve it?” She understood, “It was his SATURATION POINT.”

When do you realize that you have had enough? When do you feel that you have no courage left in you to keep pushing forward or is it really that important to carry this on. They all say, “Try until the time you feel satisfied with your efforts and after that just let it be.” My question is that were they not risking, sacrificing and enduring? Did the yearning for something drain the strength which was required to achieve it? That moment when nothing more affects us and we become numb to almost everything is what we call our saturation point. The question is why does such a condition arise when we become emotionless and so numb that even the pain is painless? Drop by drop the level of his pain was increasing. He was trying hard to control his feelings and keep it to himself but until when. For sure, he has to face the stagnancy and reach the stage where he had to ask himself that does he have the strength to move forward. Nobody knows the answer. Maybe, not even him.

Is it really okay to face this? Moreover, what to do after reaching a point where nothing would help even if you pour something more to it? She wanted to help but couldn’t. She wanted to be by his side but preferred staying away thinking that might help. Self-healing was the process she thought about. Was it working? Was giving him space actually started creating differences? She was left in the mid of nowhere and he as well. They both hung upon something which could be sorted only if the level of saturation comes down.

Move On..!!

Let it go :)

Why not the focus is on the betterment of the soul? Why don’t we think that life is not about crying over the same thing again and again but smiling back to it? Those places; instances and people are definitely the reason for your sadness but how long will you keep holding grudges for things you can easily let go. There are many quotations about life; Google can help you out with that. You can even consult a motivational speaker or your well-wishers who can provide you with all the inspiring incidents and tell you that how you can do well in life but nothing works out if you are not willing this to happen. We all have been in that phase where depression hovers you and you feel like there is nothing left inside you to live for and blah blah blah…!! But how many of us actually take efforts to make life worth living.

Remember, your life is a story for others; make sure it’s inspiring. If you look logically at the facts, the sole reason for being unhappy is that we waste too much of our time in thinking about all those incidents which had a bad impact on our lives. We keep asking questions, “Where did I go wrong?”; “Why always me?”; “Am I so bad?” Just be done with it. People who have been close to you once are now your nobody. So why to lose your worth; your self-respect by begging them to come back or crying over the fact that the so-called ‘unbreakable bond’ has shattered? Have your share of tears and then just LET IT GO. It will be difficult but definitely not impossible. You are a human and your emotions are visible and they do matter a lot. Never resist in pouring out your feelings but once when you are done; don’t stick to it. C’mon, not always the same topic. Your life is much more than that and it gets better with each passing day if you learn to smile ☺

Life is easy from one angle and difficult from the other. It’s all about from where you are looking at it.

There are places you don't want to visit; instances you never want to recall and people you don't want to talk about but then there is no use avoiding all this because ‘COURAGE LIES IN OVERCOMING YOUR FEARS’.

Do visit that place atleast once and it will help you move on; think about that not so good incident and remove it from your roots once and for all and if possible meet that person because it will teach you that facing the situation is for betterment.

Now my friend, you are ready for all the challenges in life.

It’s beautiful (Part V)

Even after the delightful meeting; none of them was able to take off the other from their hearts and minds. Both of them left non-erasable impressions; marks which none of them wanted to get erased. While going back home, Medhavi was all lost in her thoughts. “There are still good people left.” Did she trust too early? Can she rely upon him blindly? Before leaving Delhi she sent a voice note to Pratham which according to him was way too cute and in his words “literally took away his heart”. He listened to it many a times. This was revealed later though. Medhavi just couldn’t stop thinking about him. She was re-reading her chats and kept smiling. When she reached home, don’t know why but Medhavi called up Pratham just to inform that she is back home safe and sound and maybe this gesture cleared all the doubts of Pratham and he felt that Medhavi also has feelings for him.

Now the separation of 20 days was waiting for them which was indeed too big. Medhavi was craving for him and maybe he was craving for her too. They liked talking to each other and so, there phone calls extended. Luckily, might be due to network and data error Pratham’s phone’s main balance remained the same as before Rs. 49.81 and since then Medhavi started calling her “Mr. 49.81”. For those 20 days, they both teased each other with their friends’ names and kept talking for hours. Sometimes they gave way to philosophical thoughts: - “Love is eternal” and “Life is beautiful”. Since, both of them were single at that point of time, they used to ask each other, what kind of partner they want to which Medhavi generally replied, “Height around 6ft (+2’’ ; -2’’ acceptable) and the guy should really be respectful towards girls because as for long term I would like to introduce him to mom dad”. She used to beg Pratham for searching someone like that who would like Medhavi’s special “feminism rule” which stated an order “I can do anything I want because I am a girl”. She used to do this basically to tease Pratham.

Once Medhavi asked, “What type of girl do you want to fall in love with all over again?”

 “Just like you.” Complete silence.

“Like me, really, although I am a single piece but still a girl like me cannot be a good girlfriend. Still why precisely someone like me?”, countered Medhavi. No one else other than Medhavi would have been happier after hearing this. Her heart beat fastened and she was almost jumping out of happiness.

“You are beautiful, ‘Topper’, worth taking home, our fathers have the same profession (implying good family terms further) and we both have the same caste(in case you think of a long term future) So why not someone like you?” This made her speechless.

A bit of flirting and a bit of logical stuff, this made their bond grow stronger with each passing day. Pratham was the first person Medhavi wished on New Year. He used to say dialogues and she used to fall for them instantaneously. After the entire trauma in her life; Medhavi was slowly understanding the importance of being happy and letting go of things that hurt her. She got someone she loved to talk to. These two were keen to see each other and were just waiting for the holidays to get over. True that, OPPOSITES ATTRACT!

It’s beautiful (Part IV)

December 14, 2014 had been the most beautiful day of their lives. The day when they first met properly without any rush as back in college they were sort of strangers to each other. Recalling their history, Pratham saw Medhavi for the very first time in their class wearing a red-color kurta among all those minis and shorts and that’s what made him feel that a story is waiting out there. “She is different; different from rest of them.” He observed her but Medhavi never in her dreams thought that someone would notice her like this in the college (She created a good impression. KUDOS! ) Talking about Medhavi’s perspective; she basically didn’t know about any such guy named Pratham and to be precise she was least interested to know also. She was the class representative; so once the teacher asked her to take down the numbers of all the students; make a Whatsapp group so that she can convey all the information and act as a link between her (teacher) and the students.
Pratham also gave his number. Medhavi saved his number just the way she saved the number of her other classmates not knowing who he is. It had been months; nobody texted on the personal window. The chats were restricted to the group only. Medhavi was lost in her own friend circle while Pratham was figuring out ways his life was taking turns. They had same course, same classes but knew nothing about each other and then one day out of the blue a text popped upon Medhavi’s screen. It was Pratham asking for a little help in Economics. Medhavi told him that she doesn’t know anything about Economics but could surely help in English. This sounded a bit rude to him but he let it go. Although Pratham messaged again after 3 days enquiring about the date sheet and exams and since then they started texting on a regular basis. It wasn’t less than an addiction. He used to call her ‘TOPPER’ because he thought she knew almost everything and was just lying about the completion of the syllabus.
They had ‘All the best’, ‘Hey’, ‘Bye’ kind of conversations and frequent eye contacts where they accidently passed smiles. ☺ Medhavi liked talking to him because those days were rough on her giving her mental stress and he acted almost like a shield. He didn’t know what she was going through; nothing about her broken friendships and untrustworthy relationships. Maybe this was his nature but Pratham knew exactly how to cheer her up even without knowing the reason that’s why she used to call him the ‘ENTERTAINTMENT PACKAGE’. Well every girl deserves to be with someone who knows how to make his girl laugh. She felt too comfortable talking to him day and night. There was neither awkwardness nor second thoughts. They were enjoying this and before she could realize, she started having a soft spot for Pratham. Falling for someone this way was too early but surely they wanted to be more in contact. Day and night of texting; sharing of secrets and the want of talking to each other more and more made their first meeting in CP less awkward. Even Medhavi  never thought that she would be asking someone like this :-
“Are you free on 14th?”
“Ummm Yeah..!”
“Then let’s catch up.”


…to be continued

It’s beautiful (Part III)

She felt really secured..!!

The lyrics, the aura and the way eyes did the talking made it too difficult for Medhavi to resist Pratham. She constantly had to remind herself that she came here to listen about his past relationships and not to make a new story altogether. The song got over and they moved out. Never had she experienced such a coffee. Well, now it was time for her to listen. So, they sat on the pavement and Pratham started narrating the most beautiful time of his life. The intense love in his eyes, the softness in his voice and the want of having that amazing time back if possible made Medhavi respect Pratham even more. The way he emphasized on some of the incidents and the manner in which his eyes and lips were communicating made Medhavi feel that ‘love never dies’. You can move on in life but a part of it remains there only which should be better untouched.

Medhavi questioned herself that was it okay to go into his deep rooted history because his eyes were screaming about his lonliness. They were telling her that he needed a companion. She cannot forget how he was blushing making his cheeks tomato red while telling those small cute incidents. Medhavi was numb. She was just observing him the whole time and that made her realize how emotionally stable Pratham was. How love has made him stronger with each passing moment. It was getting intense so they decided to walk. It started drizzling. While she was in utter shock after hearing the sad endings; he was busy protecting her from the rain. She liked the way he was taking care of her. He showed Medhavi the picture of the love of his life and she just couldn’t believe how strong he is.

Just to change the mood they thought to eat the ice-cream. While he was taking the ice-cream, out of nowhere Medhavi gave a tight hug to Pratham. It was unexpected and of course awkward. She wanted him to hug her back but he didn’t. Well Pratham explained this later that as soon as he was going to hug her back, she moved away. I guess none of them wanted to go back home but it was time. Medhavi was pleading him not to drop her home as she can go all by herself but since he was a true gentleman, he became very rigid. So it was decided that he will drop her only to the nearest metro station and not to her home. For time being they sat on the stairs of the metro station and Medhavi started telling her share of stories. She was continuously speaking when he randomly interrupted, looked straight into her eyes and said, “You look cute.” She blushed and smiled. Till date, he doesn’t know how it slipped from his mouth and made the situation a bit unexpected. While in the metro he was again back to his usual self protecting her from people of all sorts. She felt safe and happy. CCD, the song, the unexpected hug, the rain and “You look cute” became their memories to cherish forever. They reached home. She changed her Whatsapp status to “Those gestures :*” while he switched it to “Thank you ☺”


...to be continued